Having a Hebrews moment....

We have had a very "eventful" month dare I say year here at our house.  I was feeling in a very reflective mood and thought now was as good of time as ever to shoot out a Sophie update and combine it with a general family update.  Today I was feeling convicted to make sure I shared with anyone and everyone how gracious God has been to our family recently.  After a year that was very hard on us (last year) with my husbands back injury and subsequent surgery it was such a joyous thought to be expanding our family and Sophie especially is overjoyed that it is finally her turn to be a big sister.  Now admittedly I am a pretty miserable pregnant person, it takes a lot of encouragement for me to make it through the gamut of symptoms through the course of nine months, which can be taxing on my family who is wondering "why is my mom always tired, sick, etc." and God has carried us through these long LONG months and here we are 6 days from my due date. 

One short month ago I decided spur of the moment to have a garage sale and that same week we took a look at our finances and with the council of my dad and a builder decided spontaneously to put our house up for sale.  I mean because in the last month of a pregnancy who doesn't think, "Gee I would really like to do house showings and clean the house non-stop!" I entered this season with so much anxiety, which is already something so difficult for me.  So with worry over the house selling, worrying about the imminent arrival of "Three" as she is affectionately being referred to, worry over Sophie's upcoming surgery, things began to pile up.  May's calendar was literally exploding when I looked at it and this was after I got through our church pageant which was quite time consuming but magnificently rewarding.  What if the baby comes early, what happens to ALL these things on my schedule?? I can't tell you how I have cried to the heavens in the last month, begging God to work things out according to....well let's face it MY plan.  I hope I am not the only one who tells God what we would really like to happen and plead and beg him to align His will with ours.  And all the while my husband would say in an unwavering voice "Honey it's going to be fine." Seriously the word 'fine' makes my skin crawl at this moment.  I don't understand why I am like this other than to say I am human.  I have had God care for my concerns time and time and time and time again, I could fill a book with my own personal answered prayers.  And sometimes it takes SO MUCH longer than we desire which is SO MUCH more stressful and harder to trust.  But he always upholds us in his righteous hand. I am so thankful for such a loving heavenly father, who forgives my trust issues and cares for us so dearly.

I will spare you my long winded details of how everything has played out but tomorrow is the last thing on the calendar before the baby that I wanted to make it through, my daughters choir concert.  Yesterday we signed a sales agreement with a buyer for our house.  We have a date for Sophie's next surgery, Friday June 28, which will be the day after we move out of our house and move in with my parents for a bit while our new house begins to be built.  God has answered my prayers one after another....

Honestly I think my anxiety stems from insecurity, "what if I don't deserve good things to happen to me?" For years I have worked to demonstrate faith and gratefulness in my situation whatever it is and somehow "prove" to God that even when your answers are 'no' or 'wait' I will still love you and praise you.  And through every storm we have battled when I look back at the results I see his hand.  Even through thyroid cancer, losing my voice, Sophie's birth and ALL her surgeries and wounds, through NOT selling our house last time we tried, through other storms big and small....I can see his provision, his loving-kindness, his care through it all.  This morning I read Hebrews 11 which opens famously with "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see" and goes on to chronicle the bibles most famous heroes of courageous faith.  I realized that my husband's "fine" is exactly that....faith.  Unwavering belief that whatever the outcome, God will be good and receive glory.  My method of getting to that same conclusion is always so much messier!  But I do believe I feel it deeply and my desire is to be transparent about my journey with others to give God the glory he is due.  I want you, the people who love and pray for our family, to be assured whatever trials you are facing, HE IS HERE!! God is with you, even when you can't see, hear or feel him.  When you are desperately scanning the horizon to see how it will ever work out, how can he make beautiful things out of our messy messy clay lives.  Because he is awesome, and powerful, and perfect.  You need not do more than glance over your shoulders at the answers of the past to know how PRESENT he is in your life.  Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement you have given me over the last year and a half.  We feel so incredibly blessed by such a good and gracious God.  I can't wait to post again soon with pics of our newest Travis.  Blessings to you all.

PS I have decided to implement a "To hold the baby you need to pack or move something in our house" rule.  So basically I plan to use our new child as currency to help with our move, haha.  Good thing I know lots of you can't resist a perfectly adorable baby!