Tired Momma

My sweet girl! I wasn't even going to do an update about tomorrows surgery because the people who know us best are already praying.  Honestly, I am worn out after nearly 8 years of asking for prayers and trying to explain what's going on this time.  Sophie has two expanders in right now.  One has failed in some way.  Although it's been in since February it is flat.  This is such a bummer but I moved on from being disappointed to "what happens next."  They literally are taking the busted one out and putting another back in and we have to try to puff it up as fast as possible to try to preserve whatever stretch we may have gotten from it before it failed.

Oh but that's not all... meanwhile she also has an expander in her leg.  It has had a sore spot on it for about a month.  But as long as it wasn't getting worse the Dr wanted to keep it in as long as possible. Especially now that we are starting over on the back.  However it's so big and uncomfortable, she is having a hard time dealing with it and if it doesn't come out tomorrow that will be in for months and months more and what if it can't last!  

So here is the deal tomorrow morning she goes into surgery for her 16th surgery in 7 years.  I'm not sure at this point if they will also be removing the leg expander which will be significantly more involved in terms of the procedure and the recovery.  And I have to keep my smile glued to my face and fake it till I make it. I can't let her see how tired I am of "all of this" and keep my cheerleader "this is what's best" mom outlook on the whole situation.  I'm just plain sick of it you guys.  And as her parents obviously we could decide to stop.  But that feels like a selfish decision.  And what do I do with that decision if she ends up getting melanoma! It's too awful to consider.  It's all too much sometimes.  Sometimes I just don't want to be brave anymore dangit.  So say a prayer for her.  Say a prayer for me.  Say a prayer for her surgeon.  Surgery is tomorrow before most people are awake in the summer haha! 7:30 am is start time so we will update you when we know more.  Thanks all

It's that time again...

We have a habit of having surgery in Feb so just keeping true to form here we go again....
The bible says "What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun." Ecclesiastes 1:9 and that is how I am feeling, we have been through this a million times (16 or 17 surgeries on your child may as well be a million in my opinion!) and I feel like I have nothing new to say.   I don't feel like I can complain or tell you how much I hate doing this AGAIN or how much I need your prayers or how regardless I still have peace that ultimately God will carry us through. I've said it all before.  For those of you still listening or caring I know you will pray for us and our girl whatever comes with this next round.  Our spunky girl, known around our house now as "Cokie" as that is how Charlotte said her name when she was learning to talk, is having 2 tissue expanders placed next Friday (not sure of time so I will post on facebook the day before).  She is getting one in her leg and one in her back I believe. She isn't really nervous about surgery, like me I think she has grown rather apathetic to it, but she did say to me yesterday "Mom, what if all the kids at school laugh at me or tease me about my balloons or call me weird looking or stop playing with me." We had a talk about what has happened in the past and how that has NOT been our experience so far but that whatever happens Mom, Dad and her teacher would help her get through it.  Although compared to last year her teacher has not been the best about communicating with me on this.  She pretty much hasn't responded to any of my emails regarding Sophie's mole or surgery or how or if to discuss with kids at school.  Anyways that's it. I literally have nothing more to say about it.  Please pray for my attitude too I guess, haha! But mostly just pray for this precious face: