Grace has a tendancy to keep a vice grip on her sister's neck while posing for pictures. I have been so proud of her, we have been using m&m's to bribe Sophie to hold still and use her inhalers (working like a charm, gives me hope for shots!) and Grace has never once asked for candy herself as she watched her sister get them with her medicine 4x a day! She just cheered her on and encouraged her every step of the way!
Taken tonight with our prayer warriors, the Kerkstras, they come pray with us before every surgery! We love them dearly and cherish their faith and care!
Thank you for your prayers this past week, her lungs have improved and we are proceeding with surgery. The house is a bustle getting ready for another big surgery tomorrow. I think I got all my yucky emotions out last night and I was crying in my bed and then Craig and I held hands and recited the 23 Psalm in the dark together. Shall we say it again together now...
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want
He makes me lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside quiet waters
He restores my soul
He guides me in paths of righteousness
For His name's sake
Even though I walk
Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death
I will fear no evil
For you are with me
Your rod and your staff
They comfort me
You prepare a table before me
In the presence of my enemies
You annoint my head with oil
My cup overflows
Surely goodness and love will follow me
All the days of my life
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
See don't we all feel better from what ails us. So today I kept pretty upbeat and it seemed like a pretty typical Monday. And I got to talk to my Momma who is out of town so that helped! Of course now I am just in getting stuff done mode so it's easier to not think about the "hard part". I was just saying to someone that of course we have been through this a half a dozen times and so that makes some things easier. But when it gets right down to it, I want to throw myself down on the table and say "cut me instead" to save her from pain. It's hard for my head to explain to my heart, that it will be ok. As a mom, you just HATE to see your baby suffer. But about four times today she came to me with the bottle of lotion and begged me to put it on her mole so I know she would like relief from the itching that comes with it so I am eager to get as much of it off of her as possible.
So getting down to the details. Surgery is at 11:55, we will go there at 9:55, she has to fast on foods at midnight (so she may be getting up and having a snack soon!) and then gets a breakfast of juice, popsicles, and/or jello jigglers before 8 (her big sister is kind of jealous of the breakfast selection). Hopefully she does as well with the fast as she did last time. Surgery may be longer than usual if they do three expanders and they never tend to be on time anyways but I will update as able when we are out. Thank you as always for your faithful prayers, my little Sophie is a tough cookie and I know she is brave and will come out strong on the other side of this, and I have a feeling her Momma will too!
Amanda
All in all, I just worry that I won't be able to relax again for another 8 months. I don't think that anyone besides my Lord totally gets the day in and day out anxiety of every night knowing you have to do a minor medical procedure on your child and constant gathering of medical supplies and constant appointments and constantly worrying that every time she cries or shows a weird symptom or new bad behavior that its related to this constant upheaval of her life and ours. Finally just plain being the one to restrain your child who is crying and kicking and screaming to get away and sticking them with a needle several times and feeling horrified not only that you are the one doing it to them but that you get to turn around and do it the next night and the next night and the next night and the next...and that when your baby calls out for someone else instead of you when they are crying you convince yourself it has nothing to do with the psychological trauma of the child associating you with these things...oh that she will at least one day read this blog and know how hard this was for her momma! Anyways, I so have liked being "normal" however I also know deep inside that we do need to keep going. The poor dear walks around the house all day long saying "Itchy!" and laying into her skin with her nails on both her sides and her left thigh where the mole is still the thickest. Apparently the high degree of unbearable itching is one reason many parents choose to have these removed for their children, it wasn't until she could talk that I knew why she was always pulling on her side. Now at least she can tell me it's itchy, that was why we had her checked for a kidney infection once because I noticed her constantly pulling on her side and crying. So if her burden to bear is the actual surgeries and the actual injections than my burden to bear as her Mom is the constant feeling of a broken heart whenever we are in a season of surgery and standing through it all with Christ's strength to get her through to the other side. In a way both those little voices on my shoulder are right. I know it won't be easy, I know the next year will have dark days and tears and moments I will feel like we just can't go on. However the voice that never fails, the voice that is so strong "even the wind and the waves obey him" and the voice that is strong enough to calm my heart will be there to see us through. That is the voice I will turn my ear to and open my heart to. Surgery date is Feb 1. Preop appt is Jan 24 and I will post time of surgery a few days before as always. And as always I appreciate your love and prayers and will leave you with the lyrics to this song: 
