Another Surgery Looming!

All good things must come to an end. Our good thing was having August to January as a normal ordinary family with a normal ordinary toddler. But we have our surgery date, we have our pre-op appointment and in fact with Grace's birthday happening before surgery I am suddenly feeling my presurgery blanket of gloom settling down over me like an old friend. I mean let's face it on any given day I am great at putting on a brave face but deep down I like to say "it's the end of the world as we know it." Really its a lot more like that old cartoon with the guy who has the angel and the devil on his shoulders whispering to him. The angel is telling me the obvious, "it will be fine" "it's always worked out in the past" "God will be with us like he has been before" etc etc etc...The devil however is also cunningly convincing with his "more needles and now she is older and more stubborn" "she is going to have fits everytime you try to do injections" "we are getting lower with the balloons and it's going to be a problem with her diaper and potty training etc". Oh to put a choke hold around that silver tongued devils throat... So I am trying to listen to the Lord's voice telling me, Amanda I have carried you all through this before and I will carry you again and I, as always, am taking it ONE step at a time! So for a few fun pictures and some details and updates I will leave you with this. Sophie did in fact turn two and so far its not TOO terrible because as I last expressed when she is especially naughty she is also especially adorable. What can I say, it helps.

For her birthday my sister and I took her and her cousin Tyler to see Elmo, they were super excited!

Sophie's birthday party at Pizza Hut, the girl goes crazy for Pizza!

Grace and Sophie in the surgical waiting room of the new childrens hospital. I was amazed and touched by the high caliber of the new building. We will be spending a lot of time here so it means a lot that it is so nice!

Seeing Santa, for weeks after if Sophie heard the word Santa she either said "Santa, lap" because she sat on his lap or she would say "Santa is coming to town." Very cute!

She is turning into quite the diva under her sister's teachings!

All in all, I just worry that I won't be able to relax again for another 8 months. I don't think that anyone besides my Lord totally gets the day in and day out anxiety of every night knowing you have to do a minor medical procedure on your child and constant gathering of medical supplies and constant appointments and constantly worrying that every time she cries or shows a weird symptom or new bad behavior that its related to this constant upheaval of her life and ours. Finally just plain being the one to restrain your child who is crying and kicking and screaming to get away and sticking them with a needle several times and feeling horrified not only that you are the one doing it to them but that you get to turn around and do it the next night and the next night and the next night and the next...and that when your baby calls out for someone else instead of you when they are crying you convince yourself it has nothing to do with the psychological trauma of the child associating you with these things...oh that she will at least one day read this blog and know how hard this was for her momma! Anyways, I so have liked being "normal" however I also know deep inside that we do need to keep going. The poor dear walks around the house all day long saying "Itchy!" and laying into her skin with her nails on both her sides and her left thigh where the mole is still the thickest. Apparently the high degree of unbearable itching is one reason many parents choose to have these removed for their children, it wasn't until she could talk that I knew why she was always pulling on her side. Now at least she can tell me it's itchy, that was why we had her checked for a kidney infection once because I noticed her constantly pulling on her side and crying. So if her burden to bear is the actual surgeries and the actual injections than my burden to bear as her Mom is the constant feeling of a broken heart whenever we are in a season of surgery and standing through it all with Christ's strength to get her through to the other side. In a way both those little voices on my shoulder are right. I know it won't be easy, I know the next year will have dark days and tears and moments I will feel like we just can't go on. However the voice that never fails, the voice that is so strong "even the wind and the waves obey him" and the voice that is strong enough to calm my heart will be there to see us through. That is the voice I will turn my ear to and open my heart to. Surgery date is Feb 1. Preop appt is Jan 24 and I will post time of surgery a few days before as always. And as always I appreciate your love and prayers and will leave you with the lyrics to this song:

Our God by Chris Tomlin

Water you turned into wine, opened the eyes of the blind, there is no one like you, none like you.

Into the darkness you shine, out of the ashes you rise, there is no one like you, none like you.

Our God is greater, Our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other

Our God is Healer, Awesome in power, Our God, Our God.

And if Our God is for us, than who could ever stop us

And if Our God is with us, than what could stand against
And if Our God is for us, than who could ever stop us

And if Our God is with us, than what could stand against

What could stand against

Our God is greater, Our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other

Our God is Healer, Awesome in power, Our God, Our God.

God Bless you all, Amanda